Become a super communicator.

A “super communicator”, a term coined by author Charles Duhigg, is someone who can build strong relationships, inspire action, and help people understand each other in all kinds of situations. Here are three takeaways from his conversation with Jim Kwik.

Ask more of the right questions.

Super Communicators ask 10-20 times more questions and focus on asking the right ones. Duhigg calls these “deep questions.”

Instead of asking, “Which company do you work for?” try, “What’s your favorite part about your job?” or “When did you know this would be your career?”

Don’t ask for facts. Ask how they feel about things. Invite them to tell you something meaningful about themselves.

Prove you’re listening.

Do this after the other person stops talking.

Repeat back what you heard them say. Prove that you’re listening and not just waiting to talk.

Then, ask if you got it right. This allows the other person to confirm that you are indeed listening.

When you prove you’re actually listening, the other person is more likely to listen to you.

The Matching Principle

“Are you having the same conversation in the same moment?”

Let’s try this familiar example. You and your partner are planning a picnic for the weekend. You're focused on the logistics, while your partner is concerned about whether the guests will have a good time. Though it seems like you're both talking about the picnic, you're actually having two different conversations.

We think discussions are about one thing. But there are different kinds of discussions. According to Duhigg there are 3 buckets:

• Practical

• Emotional (seeking empathy)

• Social (how we relate to each other)

If you and another person are having different types of conversations, you're not actually communicating. What you're saying isn't resonating with them, and vice versa. This can lead to confusion, irritation, and even conflict.

Think about it: if one person is having a practical conversation, they’re heavily utilizing their prefrontal cortex. If another person is having an emotional one, they’re amygdala is very active. These two people are expressing vastly different neural patterns. They’re going to miss each other.

Want more? Dive into Duhigg’s book, Super Communicators. I’ve already added it to my reading list. If these points hit you like it hit me, maybe you should too.

Gavin Ong

Gavin is a solid dude. I mean physically; the man is burly. Mentally, he’s incredibly sharp and emotionally intense. I deeply admire many of his abilities, almost to the point of envy. He's a self-taught career software engineer, makes well-thought-out and unique investments, and regularly pushes his comfort zone.

But it’s his unique mindset for growth that really sets him apart. Though emotionally flexible, he’s stubborn and doesn’t tend to think like the mainstream hustler.

We met at a ClassPass workout and instantly hit it off. For the record, I approached him first.

I’ll let Gavin introduce himself. By the end his segment, you’ll understand why him and I are such good friends and why his perspective is unique.

Connect with Gavin on Instagram and LinkedIn.

What are you currently experimenting with?

What is the part of your process that yields 80% of the results? (80/20 rule)

Read the full post to learn how Gavin implements this.

What book or podcast do you consistently recommend to others?

Atomic Habits by James Clear. Daily habits helped me learn myself and build trust in what I was capable of doing so I can invest more in my strengths.

What is something you do differently than most people in your field?

What’s one thing you preach but struggle to practice?

Brag, Ask, Give

Brag: What’s your biggest, baddest, real brag? Lay it on thick. Flex on 'em.

What an interesting question.

My elevator pitch to those on the social media hype train would be - I’ve touched 3 startups that have successfully exited and am in another that’s a unicorn. And I’ve beaten Cameron Smith (former world #1 golfer) in a golf game before! And as a 12 year old, I was making $300 per hour.

Though funnily enough, my pride comes from zero of that.

I actually left Silicon Valley because I discovered that wasn’t who I was - though I’m still a guy who can duke it out in tech. No, my biggest flexes are that I rode from SF to LA on someone else’s bike, I’ve lived in 6 different major cities chasing experiences to become a better me, I can bench 250 lbs and you’ll be shocked how well I can start a conversation with a stranger. And I’ve both survived doing stand-up comedy bombing in front of strangers as well as being a favorite act of the night all in the same year. And I played cupid to my two best friends, both of whom are now married to each other and starting a family!

Ask: What or who are you on the hunt for right now?

A way to find a life that enables me to be emotionally present and welcome love of all forms while surviving the chaos that is the world of AI and what it might unleash on us all. To find the definition of what constitutes balance for me.

On the “who” side of things - I’ve written code to find the best profitable markets and deals for AirBnB and a system that can generate an income of 100% of initial cash invested for 3-5 hours per week. But I need partners who are willing to contribute time to learn the system and co-run it with me to grow.

Give: What can you offer to potential collaborators/mentees/clients?

Data-backed opportunities for profitable returns on cash, efficient systems for time management, and deep personal explorations of emotional depth and unpopular truths. A perspective of someone who is not American, whom is willing to press up against political fads.

Photo of the week - Sleep No More Masks

Imagine a theater production that takes place in a six-story hotel. That’s Sleep No More. It’s an immersive narrative experience.

You’re given a mask and encouraged to roam the 1930’s style hotel. You’re an invisible observer watching a story unfold. The catch: you won’t see everything. You’ll only get pieces of the story. It’s up to you to put it all together.

If you’re ever in New York, this is a must-see. It lives up to the hype.